Every year people begin worrying about the holidays. They overextend themselves emotionally, physically, and financially. If the holidays are supposed to be a restful time for connecting with friends and loved ones, why do we find ourselves so anxious and frustrated during this time of year? We need to be distressing before the holidays arrive.
Last December, I found myself running ragged trying to create the perfect Christmas for my family. I spent a ridiculous amount of time planning and ordering gifts for my family. One gift I was particularly excited about was a basketball goals for my middle son, Mark. While in the flurry of activity between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I couldn’t help but feel like I had missed out on some of the subtle nuances of the holiday season. The night Dec. 24th, while the kids were sleeping, I decided to begin building the basketball goal. I opened up the box and immediately felt defeated. The goal I ordered was a miniature goal. Double face palm. In my frantic holiday spirit, I didn’t check the dimensions of the gift. I was out of time and I was over stressed.
Luckily, I have a very understanding wife and while the phrase “it’s the thought that counts” is true, I still felt like I’d fallen short. I went to bed frustrated. However, the next morning was a wonderful time filled with laughter, fun, and joy. Why had I been stressing myself out?
For years, we’ve conditioned ourselves to create overzealous expectations for ourselves and those around us. We overemphasize monetary importance, we overpack our schedules, and forget why we are actually doing the things we do. What if there was a way of distressing before the holidays?
There is.
Stress during the holidays usually stems from looking at unmet expectations and constant streams of problems. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve often share my IDM (Is/Does/Means) Matrix with my audiences, but I never applied it to holiday situations until recently.
You see, we get stuck in our roles. We know what our role is. Professionally your role is your title, its sits in your email signature, your business card, and on your LinkedIN profile. We also know what our personal roles are with those around us (EG: Father, husband, provider, short order cook, warden) But these falls short of the deep human need to know our work matters.
We also know what someone in our role “does”. It the tasks functions and responsibilities of those roles. all you have to do is look at your KPI’s. In my profession as a keynote speaker, I know what someone in that role “does”: I connect with event planners, I market my ideas, I present powerful messages from stage. I also know what someone “does” in the personal roles I take one: cook dinner, review homework, practice spelling tests, water the garden, take the kids to school. But knowing what someone in that role “does” still call short of compelling to the deep human need to know our work is having an impact.
That’s why we get stressed in the holidays. We are too busy focusing on what our role “is” and what someone in that role “does”. As human beings, we are playing too shallow. What we need to focus on, is what doing great work “means” to all those that depend on us.
When we remember that doing great work means, we can reconnect with why we are doing it and we can overcome challenges more quickly.
Take out a piece of paper. Draw a diagram that’s four boxes across and three boxes down. In the top four boxes add these words: Role, Is, Does, Means.
Next in the first column, second row, white professional. In the first column, third row write personal. Now, in box that intersects IS and Professional write your title (Your job title). Then in the box that interests DOES and Professional, write down all the task, functions, responsibilities, and KPI’s for that role.
Then in the box that intersects at MEANS and Professional, I want you to brain storm the impact your work has on those that depend on what you do. Think about the impact in a long view and what it truly means to all those you serve. Are you making people’s lives easier? Perhaps you are putting customers’ minds at ease? Maybe you are helping provide support for someone that needs your help? Allow yourself to get emotional with this. Because, here’s the truth: everyone one of us want to believe our work matters and in reality, it does. It’s just hard to remember the true impact of our efforts when we are only looking at what our role is and what someone in that roles does.
Now let’s do the same for our personal roles. Our personal roles like spouse, parent, friend, neighbor, etc. This could include roles like school chauffeur, study tutor, lightbulb changer, wasp nest knocker-downer (that a role I play for the widow next door). Creating this list should be easy as there is a vast amount of roles that we take on in our personal lives. Then think about the actual tasks that someone in that role does. After that, I want you to think very introspectively about what doing great work in those roles actually “means” to everyone around you. Let yourself get EMOTIONAL! Think about all the problems you solve, the impact it has, and the peace of mind you are providing to those around you.
Distressing before the holidays is as simple as realizing how impactful your efforts actually are. Don’t fall asleep worrying about all the things left to complete. Go to bed with the knowledge that your efforts “mean” a lot to all those that depend on the hard work you accomplish.
I’m reminded of the Bing Crosby quote from White Christmas, “When I’m tired and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep. And I fall asleep, counting my blessings.”
Stay well, stay awesome, and stay unstressed.
Want to bring this message to your team? Connect with Joshua to find out how here.